Zoe was a free-spirited flower child who had two children with her boyfriend Joseph in her early 20s. He graduated from college and became, eventually a corporate executive. She raised their children and made a beautiful home for them. In her 40s, she wanted to return to school to finish the degree she never completed. However, the responsibilities of the household, children and managing Joseph’s life and related corporate social activities stood in the way. Joseph had two short-term affairs brushing them of as purely sexual. Zoe accepted it. He had a heart attack when Zoe was 48 and she nursed him back to good health for a year.
Seven months before her 50th birthday, Joseph announced his third affair and filed for divorce, telling her he was in love with the other woman and they were having a child. He left her alone, financially and emotionally devastated, with no experience in the workplace. By 51 she was divorced, living in a small studio apartment, had no income, living off the proceeds from the sale of the marital house. Her jobhunting resulted only in rejections. Her friends had no time for her, some callously expressing that they did not want to end up divorced and alone like her so they, in effect, did not want to associate with her any longer. She began suffering from stress-related physical disease, began taking pills for stress, anxiety an insomnia. She spent her days crying. It seemed to her that the television had only commercials geared to women in their 20s and 30s. She struggled with her weight and her aging appearance. Soon, she was not going outside often and her personal hygiene habits changed for the worse. One day she reached out for help, feeling it might be, as she said, her last attempt to feel like she was visible and not broken beyond repair.
Sound TOO familiar? When I listened to Zoe’s story during her initial call, I heard a story that was like many I have heard. Some details are different but many are very similar.
Broken and Invisible
Entering your 50s, it is common to realize with shock and hurt that your appearance, opinions, experience, intellect and participation are either devalued, undervalued or unwelcome. In your head you still see that you are intelligent, competent, interesting, humorous, loving and vital. On the outside, in the mirror, you see the internal loss and grief, pain, loneliness, spiritual disconnectedness, bitterness, exhaustion, and fear reflected through an external physical appearance that you don’t like. You feel judged as useless because of your physical appearance and age. You feel powerless. You feel too tired and broken to go forth alone. You feel you have have no voice. You feel unseen and unwanted.
Presence and Voice
At this point it is up to you to realize that you were born for a reason and because of that purpose, you have a legacy to create and leave in this lifetime. Once you decide you want to live well, be seen and be heard – then you can establish your presence in the second half of your life, find your voice and make it heard. The work is hard and everyone’s work, along with ther purpose, is different. However the news is good: you can create your legacy.
Free and Easy
If you do nothing else, I ask that you help yourself:
- practice good hygiene, showering and brushing your teeth, moisturizing your skin daily even if you think you are not going out of the house
- if you are on a medicine regimen, follow it exactly and follow up with your physician with any questions
- if you don’t like your greying hair, then dye it and stop fretting over it
- go to an inexpensive salon and get your hair cut if you feel you need it
- find a local free career center and brush up on skills
- take a 30 minute walk everyday no matter what the weather
- join a free grief support group and start talking about your loss
- join a local Toastmasters and start speaking regularly
If you choose to stay in the pain, ignore the lessons and be a victim or survivor instead of a thriver, you will march through your 50s and into your 60s, (if you live that long – stress and grief kill) and deteriorate. Life will not be worth living — and that is a shame. Human life is a gift and a blessing. Your life is a gift and a blessing.
Time for Transformation
The time for transformation is always now. Some women want 1:1 support and guidance (some even before reaching age 49) to get on their feet. I work with women like you, who want to come through the pain and do what it takes to turn it around. It is my passion to work with women who want to create a legacy that will make them a lasting part of the human community, wherever they are. I work with women like you who want to transform their lives and be healed, whole and thriving. Women who work with me find their purpose and passion and launch meaningful careers, often as entrepreneurs, and create new supportive community. I empower women to navigate murky waters and dark seas to a a place where they can walk with confidence and see with clarity.
If and only if you are ready now, join the mailing list and check that you want a free 15 strategy session. after that, if I think you are a good fit, we can immediately begin to work together on the Legacy program. You can easily unsubscribe from the list at any time.