Four months ago I gathered material, did some new research and launched a new book project, which I wrote about in The Healing of New Beginnings. Having started in 2015 I began writing in earnest this late winter of early 2016, with a driving desire to share what I have learned these past years about healing and being whole. It is going painfully well.
A few times a week, I get an email request from someone asking to be notified when the book is complete. I will certainly notify everyone and I am keeping those emails. What brings me to write today about it is that I realize it is four months later and I have made some significant progress and gained significant insight through a very painful process of dealing with my own wound.
We Are All Wounded
That is, we all have wounds in different areas of our lives, as I am writing about in the book “Free To Be: Bring Healing To All Areas Of Your Life”. A female client has a wound is in the area of sexuality, transformation and sharing. She is a deeply sensitive and loving woman, with a strong sense of confidence (and thereby a natural charm with others and she enjoys being adored by those she loves just as she adores the other person). She has a strong desire for marriage, sexual intimacy and sharing of the mind. Yet all her life she has attracted emotionally blocked men who want secretive hidden relationships
- meeting where no one would know them
- no photographs could be taken
- he was careful not to mention they were together
- if she pointed out that he was romancing her he would claim they were only friends
and who also gave her the silent treatment and did all they could to undermine her self-confidence and block her creativity.
Speaking of creativity, when I look at a similar wound in my life (yes, I am imperfect and wounded like everyone), I can see that my wound has, at times, taken the smile of my face and the joy out of my heart for months and once, years at a time. My creativity was crushed (even to the point of not yet getting pregnant and having a child, the ultimate creative act!). Recently, with one man, it took the form of maligning and lying about me to mutual acquaintances, making false accusations about me, gossiping about me, silently supporting my being shunned to take me out of the “spotlight” to cut off my creativity and activity, telling an outright lie claiming he has a girlfriend and denying me a sexual relationship with him. This female client of mine and I have both experienced that these commitment phobic men also claim that if they commit, if they marry, they will be unable to travel because we would hold them back. Two men have even claimed this after encountering me living abroad over 7,000 miles away from home.
Like this client, my wounded has meant I could not get normal intimacy or commitment. In fact, sadly, only their mothers received their emotional commitment (for which they in turn received financial support in many cases). Instead of gaining a loving mother-in-law, I had a mortal enemy who would use money and an unhealthy emotional bond as I received only excuses, coldness, withdrawal and manipulative silent treatment — the latter of which is psychologically damaging to people. It always impacted (stopped) my writing, course-making and other creative acts.
We Can All Be Healed
I have numerous client files where this has been repeated for other people, men and women. It was only in the last year that I fully realized this was my wound and began acting to heal it. Writing this book is part of the healing, because what we bring into the open and expose to the light of truth cannot have power over us anymore.
We all have the choice of choosing to be healed. It is not something beyond your personal reach. I could choose to live without a husband and have a bitter attitude about men and lose my creative inspiration and production (no more speaking, writing, teaching etc) or I can choose a healing path.
For me, healing is in refusing to allow this dysfunctional relationship (or any dysfunctional situation) to stunt my creativity. I must progress to a sexually and emotionally fulfilling committed relationship — and remember there are men out there who would appreciate a woman like me. For women like me, we must continue with all the great projects we have within us and release them. We must plant the seeds and allow new seeds to be planted within us because they will bloom long after this moment has passed. Healing also means we must forgive these commitment phobic men and have compassion for them, not anger. However, unless change occurs within a short time and a healing path is chosen by them, NEXT!! Move on to the next person. Shut the door. You only have so many years of life. Being a bitter single women, being a forced celibate, being unwillingly childless or being a martyr is not an option.
For these men with a wound in the area of commitment (these men who love someone and have contemplated marriage but block themselves), healing is in emotionally committing to a woman, being her supportive and loving partner and merging sexually with her. What they run from is what they should run towards! Such wounded men vacillate between feeling as though they are helplessly caught between a “rock and a hard place” regarding marriage while constantly coming to negative conclusions about relationships and marriage.
The “mama’s boy” must psychologically leave his mother so she can be married only to his father and he must stand on his own two feet and be in an adult relationship – interdependent, committed and intimate relationship.
How we reach the point of healing can be in different ways. Your wound can be about your self-esteem/self-confidence, your spirituality/faith, your home life, your work, your career etc. You can be healed in any and all of these areas. When you choose to do it is up to you. There are some specific ways to get the healing you need and I talk about it in my book.
The Choice Is Yours
Healing your wound(s) empowers you to a new beginning in life and opens doors of opportunity. I hope that my pain, my wounds and my healing will be enlightening and healing for my readers.
I look forward to finishing this and publishing it in the first half of 2017.
I also look forward to your feedback when it is published.
Meanwhile, keep asking yourself — because the CHOICE is yours: do you want to continue with your wounds or do you want healing?