We were doing great for the first three months, then he pulled away. Now he is seeing some other women and tells me he is confused. Now, he contacts me every few days. What do I do? I know he has so much happening in his life…
I heard this familiar sad story today from a 30-year old female client. I hear this from so many (mostly) women and (a few) men. We talked for a time and the wisdom I left her with was to reflect on what she wants, why she gets involved with men (she wants to be a wife and mother) and what message he has given her by ending their exclusive relationship after three months to keep her on the end of his fishing pole, reeling her in and out emotionally.
Many Millennials in their late 20s and early 30s contact me because they had hoped to be married and have children but somehow, it did not happen. Now they are desperate angry, frustrated, burned out on relationships, distrustful and confused. Mostly confused. They wasted their Commitment time. They continued to hang out with someone who never intended to marry them. Women do this often, waking up on the other side of 30 realizing they wasted valuable years with someone who did not truly love them and was unwilling to show it. Male clients, on the other hand, often describe to me how they spent their late 20s keeping a farm of insecure, desperate women, making contact with them every so often; or fishing these Indecisive Women by giving them a call every few weeks or months to make sure the women would still think there was hope. They are Unavailable Men. They avoid commitment to marriage and emotional/sexual intimacy with one person thinking there is always something better and more fun “out there” right now and eventually they will get around to making a commitment. But they had and have no intention of committing, always finding an excuse not to do so. They throw out a fishing line and Neither the men nor women in these situations know how to have an actual relationship with integrity. Too many intelligent women allow unavailable men to drag them into their 30s and 40s without a marriage commitment and leave them stranded in a non-relationship. These men and women think they are in actual relationships, but really, they have not committed to life.
It is not unusual to find men in their 30s living at home, financially clinging to their parents while having immature relationships with women that are the same way they related to girls at age 13. There are women who are behind in their personal, professional and financial success because they wasted time waiting on a non-relationship or dropped the ball on their own life.
These men and women have not committed to ADULTHOOD and adult relationships.
Boosting Your Success Into Your 30s
In some cases, people in their 20s have begun to stabilize and achieve. Working with me on your Commitment time can then be an opportunity to prevent crisis, remove roadblocks, create a thriving life strategy and walk into your 30s on solid ground. I will walk with you through the hard decisions that require commitment in order to bring more freedom and abundance into your life.
You can read more about it, and sign up to partner with me on a Commitment program. My goal is to empower you in making better choices for yourself and your adult life. Readers of this blog get 60% off.