Unpacking the Fearful Defensiveness Against Judgement

Recently I have noticed a lot of people complaining about and making defensive posts on various social media about “judgement”. I have read these posts and analyzed them. What is actually happening here is the misuse of the word “judgement”. What is also evident here is a defensive rebellion against learning anything from others. This is lack of spiritual and personal growth.This will never lead to breakthroughs in life.

I am a great believer in independence and freedom. I am a sensitive empath and an introvert on top of the fact that I do not like to be told what to do professionally, so I am naturally an entrepreneur. I also like my critiques served up in PRIVATE on a 1:1 basis so I can feel my feelings and if need be, ask the person who offered it to give suggestions for improvement or opportunity to offer their concrete assistance.

The Wisdom To Know the Difference

I know that over my lifetime I have been greatly blessed through the wisdom of elders and those who could see my imperfections. From them and their critiques, I learned how to improve and manifest my potential. Those critiques were WISDOM.

I am not the wisest person alive but I certainly have matured spiritually and emotionally by taking in that wisdom from elders and others. It has made me a leader over the years.

That is precisely the issue here.

The ability to employ wise decision-making in your life is a crucial human skill. The hope is that you are constantly improving in it and when you fail, you get back on track with it. You take fact, information, ethics, knowledge etc into consideration and you make a DECISION called a JUDGEMENT. It may be about a person, place or situation.

Making a decision is making a judgement.

JUDGEMENT:” the ability to make considered decisions or come to sensible conclusions”

Addressing Condemnation

Someone may comment that something I did was ridiculous, stupid or ineffective and could have been done better. I can take it as CONDEMNATION of me as a person or I can learn from it and do better the next time. Or I could ignore it. Sometimes we do that, considering the source of the comment.

A judge or jury in a court of law makes a decision called a judgement. That judgement frees/releases a person or CONDEMNS them to a fine or incarceration. The condemnation can also be wrong (injustice), but we are not talking about such matters in this case

Here is where I see mishmashing of meaning. A JUDGEMENT is not inherently a CONDEMNATION. You can make an error in judgement.

CONDEMNATION is about bad decision-making. It doesn’t take in the facts, knowledge, intuition, etc and use them well to come to a conclusion that fits within a certain standard.

CONDEMNATION is being confused with JUDGEMENT.

When you go out on a first date with someone, you make a JUDGEMENT about the person which is a DECISION telling you whether you do/don’t like this person and whether or not you will date them again. It is not a CONDEMNATION.

Would you really ignore your ability to make a JUDGEMENT and continue to be involved with a narcissist, sociopath, abusive, boring, or otherwise incompatible person who simply is not what you want in your life? What obligates you to ignore your ability to exercise sound JUDGEMENT?

When someone states the decision (judgement) they have made about someone, something or some situation, it is their right to do so, especially in the public arena of you have out yourself out their in the public arena. You broadcast your ego out there and another ego answered. Not every response will be what you like, nor need it be. Consider that maybe you should be saying and doing some things in private OR NOT AT ALL

 

It is a immature and fearful EGO reaction to get triggered and complain about “judgement” because someone has made a comment about what they like or do not like about you, your actions or a situation. Mothers make JUDGEMENTS about what will keep their children safe. Businesspeople make JUDGEMENTS about what to invest in or what is best for their business. A person makes a JUDGEMENT by deciding not to walk down that sketchy alley where they might get beaten or robbed.

Public Space, Social Media and Fear of Condemnation

We live now in a social media world where people are putting in the public space many thoughts, feelings and actions that once were only done in private by yourself or withing your household of family. People are letting it all hang out and putting fluorescent firecrackers on it, so to speak. They want attention. But then, when the attention comes, it is not welcome. People fear other people expressing their opinion about what they have put out in the public space. They complain about “judgement” and make defensive complaint posts on Instagram and Facebook asking others to agree with them that “judgement is bad”. Some people hop on the bandwagon, especially if it is a charismatic person, a celebrity or celebrity-brand. There is no thought process happening; there is only the demand that no one have an opinion nor express it, unless it is in support of whatever someone says or does in the public space

Four-Step Solution

Three things here are important:

1) EXAMINE. You need to examine yourself carefully if you are complaining about “judgement” and writing defensive, borderline angry and sarcastic posts about it — is your EGO involved and hurt?

2) SEEK WISDOM. Be humble and pull out the WISDOM from the critiques given to you so you can apply it and be the best person you can be, then move on. Is the critique coming from someone with more experience that you can learn from in any way? When did you become the wisest person on Earth – so wise you can close off from anyone or anything that would provoke your spiritual or personal growth?

3) BE AWARE. Everyone needs to be capable of making sound JUDGEMENTS every moment of their day. Start tracking how may times a day you must form an opinion and then voice it or act on it. See what happens when you do not. It will be difficult if no impossible to get through the day without having an opinion and making a decision

4) RESPECT PUBLIC SPACE. Put on your big boy/girl pants and remember this: don’t write a book, make a speech, post on Facebook, Instagram etc if you only want slavish, cultic followers who hang on your every word and exist in your mind only to tell you that they love everything you say, do, write pr create. The public arena is for the WHOLE public. Exercise some good judgement when putting yourself out into it.

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